Old love

It has been a while since i last fell in love. What is love? I do not know what it is. Love is when one care for somebody and miss that special someone if he or she is not around. Like I miss my dad. I guess that is love.

My first love, I have totally forgotten him until now. If one asks me what I see in him. I can say this, I do not know what I see in him at that time as I feel I will not like someone like him now. Guess the taste in men also change. He is a selfish and stingy man.

I do not remember much of the time he and I spend together. The only memorable one is the time he had a quarrel with me and left me alone at the car park. He just left me there and drove off. At that time it is nine at night. I walked home from the shopping centre as I lived nearby. I cried when I reached home. I cried and cried. Come to think of it, that is real stupid. Should have dumped him there and then. But no, I forgave him. We broke off later on but not because of that incident. The feelings he had for me and the feelings I had for him has faded.

There are times that I bumped into him. I no longer recognise him but my brother told me that it is him. I have totally delete this person from my mind. I am rather surprised at my ability to forget a person.

A few years back I was in love with this person. He gets the crown for being a nasty one. He hurt my feelings, my career and my health. As usual I have forgotten how he looks. My special ability. I am disappointed in the way he handled the relationship. I guess he did not love me much as one would not hurt the person one is in love with. It is good that I realise what kind of person he is than to know later.

I hope the next time I fall in love, it will be someone who really loves me for who I am. The one who care for me and be with me whenever I need him. The special someone who will place me first in his life.

Annoying matter

This whole week is one annoying week. Being the pressed by An, the monster. Asking me to do things which I am not trained to do. An, the monster is my boss. He as usual think of the money and not the staff. He does not know this but the staff really hates him for the way he takes advantage of them. Asking them to do things which they do not know. It is not even in my letter of employment to do these kinds of duties. He is the worst boss I ever work for. I have been working for more than 15 years and never once I said the boss is the worst boss I ever work for. He takes the crown.

Have been looking for a job for the past one year and cannot get. So I am working at a place I hate. Doing a job I hate. Pissed off by the monster. And according to the horoscope, this is supposed to be the good year for those born under my sign. What crap.

I also discover that I can't deal much with the tension since I was sick years ago. Let me strike a lottery and I will not work again. This illness has hampered a great career. If not for the illness, I can go far in my career for I am very good in my work. It is fate. What can one do. To fight the illness is tough. It is annoying to deal with this illness throughout my late twenties until my late thirties. It just will not go away. I guess it will remain with me until the day I go to heaven.

Sometimes I feel having a loved one will do me good. Maybe cure my illness faster as there is someone to love me, care for me and be there for me. Which makes me wonder which is more difficult, to have someone to love or finding a new job.

working life

How many people can say they enjoy their work? People work for money, power or to pass their time. I work for money. I no longer enjoy working. I work to earn a living, to have money to buy food, clothes and things I like. I used to like my work a lot but as I grow older, i no longer have the passion for it. Something in me, like a fire slowly fade to nothing. Not burning brightly but just a small flame struggling to survive. That's how i feel about my work. If I have enough money, I will not work anymore. I will start doing things that will bring me pleasure. I am like a burnt out case.

I notice some people really like to work. They enjoy going to work. How nice that must feel. They work late. Stay in the office. For me the earlier I leave, the better. I do not know. Maybe I do not like my present company. The boss is too stingy. He calculate every single thing. Working hard for him does not seem right for me. Isn't that majority of the bosses are? Stingy and taking advantage of the staff.

I have yet to meet an understanding boss. Who is willing to share the profits with the staff. When times is good, they give high bonus. These are the bosses that most people is willing to work hard for. Even go through the hard time with them.

Anyway, life goes on for me. I go to work. Meet deadline. Handle my not so easy boss. Manage my sometimes difficult staff. Work in a not so good area (which is famous for prostitution). But I like the location. It is in the golden triangle. I can shop around during lunch. Eat at this shop and that shop. I just love it. It is the only thing I look forward to daily.