Buying a car

Serious. Buying a car is decision I am making right now. Should I buy or not? Having a car will facilitate my shopping and running errands, The interest rate is quite low now. To me, this is something major as I need to think or consider the big question, "Can I still drive?" after more than 10 years of not driving.

Unsure. After tossing and turning in my bed for the past few nights, I still have yet to make a decision whether to buy or not to buy a car. Sigh, by tonite I will make a decision on this. Other matters relating to work, I can make decision fast but not anything relating to my personal life. I like to think this and that. Think too much cause inaction. In the end, most of the time, I end up not doing it at all.

Talk about shopping, I just love to shop and every time I go to shopping complex, I sure come back with some new clothes or cosmetic or any goods that I feel is bargain. Sigh, not good as I already spent more than half of my salary after one week of getting my pay. I honestly do not know what to do with the remaining days of this month without much money left. Yeah, use my savings again. Sigh.

Anyway, having a car and driving again will be great. So most likely, I will buy a new small little car. Just good for me as I need it to get me around town only.

Diet

Difficult. It is difficult to go on diet when you just love the food or eating. I have been on a diet for the past month and glad to say I managed to lose some pounds. It is tough to say no, no to my favourite food and I seldom eat rice nowadays. Rice which used to be my daily food now has disappeared. Sometimes I go for weeks without rice.

Tough. When I am on diet and I see yummy yummy food, it is tough to resist the temptations. However, I have been doing that for the past whole month. So far, I have been successful although sometimes I do give in to temptations.

How do I resist delicious food when I am out with friends. Sigh! It is tough and I do sometimes take those delicious food. Then, it was back to dieting again. Which is one of the reason, my weight did not reduce drastically but rather slowly over the month.

Honestly, I am doing it to be healthy and also to wear nice clothes. My sis in law did comment once on my big clothes. Sigh, not that I want to wear those clothes but I have no choice.

Mistake

Mistake. In this world, who does not make mistake. Everyone will make a mistake in their life at least more than once. Can we rectify the mistake? Will the apology that comes after the mistake be accepted if the mistake hurt another person?

Most of the time, we found that rarely people accept the apologies that comes after the mistake we made. Yes, sometimes I also do not accept the apologies for the damage is done or the hurt is there already. Can the hurt be erased? If there is such eraser, please let me have it.

Once I tried to apologise for a mistake I made ages ago. That person was very hurt by my mistake so all he said, "dont mention again as it was in the past and you are rubbing salt in the wound." That is what he said after more than ten years later which I only apologised, yes after ten years. Apparently, he was still sore by my mistake. Sigh!

Although, I should not mention this again but I still do is because I could not comprehend why he felt this way after all this year. If I am him, I dont bother about it anymore or totally forget it.

I was hurt too but over the years, I have learned to forgive and forget.

Daily life

Boring. My daily life is getting boring. No excitement. Just the normal day to day routine. Woke up, have breakfast, go to work, work and work, go home, watch tv and sleep. That is a day in my life. Really a boring life. Is lack of excitement good for me? I dont really know as it is calm and peaceful everyday. Except for busy busy working day, nearly every day for the last two weeks after I came back from Bali. My life is basically the same every day. Hmmmmm, boring.

Lonely. As age is catching up with me, I started to feel lonely. Although, I do go out with my buddy and good friends. There are times, I wish for someone to share my joy, happiness and sadness. Maybe, I should try to drive a car again so I can go here and there. With so many robberies, is it safe for a female to drive the car or to park the car at shopping complex.

Busy. Work is busy as usual. Working hard to earn more money for my holidays. Moving forward, I am eagerly and happily waiting for October to come. That is when I will be going to Sydney for holidays.

Does love last?

Does love last? Will a person loves another person to eternity?

I have friends who told me that if her husband remained at her side until the old age, she will consider her husband as loved her. There was a case of one uncle who cried when saw her wife came back after a long trip to China. He missed his wife very much. So touching.

Recently, I read on the website, a good statement on love. It says, "If a person loves another person because of her beauty, he may leave her one day but if he loves her heart, he will not leave her. So true! For true love, a person will not mind how the other person looks but love her wholeheartedly for whoever she is. She may be an old lady with wrinkles but the love will still be there.

There is a high profile love story of an actress and actor who recently end their relationship after 8 years of being together. After 8 years, they announced recently that they have ended their relationship.

Generally, a couple will tolerate the faults of the other party in the initial stage of a relationship but after many years, they will start to feel irritated by such behaviour or attitude. That is when the relationship heads towards the end of the tunnel.

So love, does it last?

Hobbies

Fantastic. Travelling is my favourite hobby. I love travelling. Visiting a country and experiencing its culture is just a wonderful experience. However, I normally after a few years, tend to forget the places I have been to. That was when I looked at the photo and said, "Ah, these are the beautiful places I have been to."



Beside travelling, I like listening to music, all kinds of music. At night, I switch on the radio and sleeps. Soft music playing while I am sleeping. Just nice and definitely gives me a good night sleep.



I was down at one point of my life and I listen to prayers (in the form of songs/music) everyday. It snaps me out of feeling down and unhappy. In times of sadness, one should always turn to the almighty GOD. God is always there for us without fail. Pray hard and God will answer the prayers.


Back to travelling, I am hoping to visit New Zealand and USA in the future before my legs give up on me and I cannot walk properly. After that, I will start my travelling in Malaysia. Maybe, next year will visit Hokkaido in July to see Lavendar.



How I wish I can travel every month to different places!

Modern Society

Open. The modern society now is open and has a lot more freedom than our grandfather's day. In those days, one hardly see couple hugging in the street, train or at shopping complex.

Now is so common to see couple hugging practically everywhere in the public places. Even teenagers do their kissing and hugging at train station. Just last week, I witnessed such scene of teenagers hugging and kissing on the train. She stroked him and leaned onto his body while standing. He also stroked her and hugged her. And they are barely fifteen years old.

When I was fifteen years old, I was busy with my studies with my mum watching over me like a hawk. I hardly seen the opposite sex and then when I attend tuition at the age of 17 years old, I started to know boys.

Those were the conservative side of the society back then. Now, one can see couples hugging and kissing at any public places.

Luckily, I don't have children or I will be pretty worried.

Depression

Depression. I have a few friends who suffered depression. From what I heard from them, the illness comes visiting when one is sad or depressed over an incident or something that had happened to her. A few of my friends who had depression went to see doctor and was cured after six months to a year depending on how the person coped with the illness or how serious is the illness.


In life, if one is happy, all illness will not come knocking at the door. One should not dwell on things which make that person unhappy. Look forward to the future as it has yet to happen and who knows, it might bring a surprise or present to us. If something makes us unhappy, we should try to forget it and move on in our life leaving it behind in the past.


When my friend was having depression, I tried to call her as often as I could and give her emotional support. We have since after her illness become best buddy.


Good friends need not be many but a few will do as these are friends who will not betray and be with me when I am sad or down. Most important, they are always there when I need them.

Work at office

Cooling. Yesterday was raining in the morning. The weather was very nice. Feel like sleeping during working hours. The office today is also very cold. My hands are so cold now.

Today, had meeting in the morning. Yes, busy busy, busy. My General Manager was in the meeting with one of the directors, head of internal audit and me. From the way, he spoke, he don't expect me to stay in the Company long. Instead of thinking ways to retain me, he talked as if he was happy to see me leave the Company. This man is really a terrible person. However, my director indirectly praised me for the good work I produced. At least someone appreciates the work I am doing in the office.

Tomorrow, will be Saturday. Will be busy in the morning, afternoon and nite too. Whole day also busy with my personal things. Happy to be busy with personal things and not work for once.

One of my long time friends called me for watching movie and to celebrate my belated birthday. But, I am busy every weekend until mid of August. So the movie and celebration are put on hold for now.

Hard Work

Busy. Today, am busy busy until now. Managed to complete some work. Tomorrow will also be another busy day.

Hopefully, end of this year, I will be properly rewarded. Just wishful thinking. Most likely, will be given a small sum of bonus, if any or a tiny increment, as usual. Sigh.

Although, I am busy, I went to do shopping during lunch time. Yes, I like to shop. My brother already said, "Sis, who can afford to marry you with your shopping habit". Well, I earn money so I should spent it too in the way I want to. But I do shop too much. I know but old habits die hard.

Maybe, I should try to curb my spendings. If not, I will be broke soon. LOL.

Free at last

Very happy. Today is the happiest day of my life. Something happens and it dawns on me that I am free at last. I no longer have to keep my promises which I made anymore. Yeah, I am free. What a celebration!!!.

If I am not in the office, I will break into a dance, dance around a bit. I no longer have to worry anymore. At last I am free.

This of course brings a chapter in my life closes and a door to that also closes. I can now look forward to something new in the future, something bright to start with and a lot of laughters.

I am proud of myself. I did it and I can move forward in my life again.

Taking the train

Happy. I am happy today as I have managed to lose the pounds I gained recently. Hopefully, I reached my ideal weight in a few months time.

Taking the train is a fun ride every morning if there are not so many people. While in the train, normally I will observe the behaviour of the people which is interesting to note. Some will be busy playing with their handphone or ipad while some will be cutting their nails in the train. That needs some balancing and that lady cut her nails while standing in the train with a lot of people watching her.

Then there is one old couple who always accompanies their daughter to work. Their daughter normally wear spagetti strap mini skirt. Talk about being sexy. There are times I see ladies wearing high heels balancing in the train.

I remember once in a country I visited there is this couple who did french kissing in the train. Well, If one is far away from home with nobody to recognise/know that person, it is not surprising to do french kissing.

Taking the train is definitely relaxing for me. A joy ride, indeed.

Office Politics

Sickening. In all offices, there are office politics. This happens when one does not like or jealous of another person and then start playing office politics or acting like a politician in the office. The bad mouthing will come and then followed by creation of "stories"  affecting that person.

I have my fair share of office politics. In fact when I was in my younger days, I had superiors who said, I don't know how to work and only good at "seducing" the big boss. Then, this particular person will start telling everyone about it and induce hatred from other people on me. Is she jealous of me bcoz of the good work I produce? Or am I that bad in my work? Having a superior like her is like being in hell or dealing with the devil. All she ever did while I was there was doing her personal works and of course, making ill remarks on me. Well, she succeeded in making me leave the Company. If not for her, I will still be in that company. No regrets here as thank to her I was able to move up in my career after leaving that company. Maybe one day if I see her again, I should thank her.

Moving forward to present, the same situation happens again and again. Well, if somebody at my age can still seduce the boss, that is really a compliment!!!

Dealing with sickness

Helpless. More than 10 years ago, I was down with an illness that took me a year to recover. I have to be strong during that trying time. It was a tough sickness to deal with. I cannot work or do anything. It is the most helpless situation I was in at that time.

Only my loved ones are aware of my sickness. At that time in life, I with the support of my dearest brother pull myself through it. 

Recently, when I heard on the radio about the sickness, I cried. It hurts me the most to hear people mentioning the sickness. I remembered how tough it was. 

In life, we can control a lot of things, but there is one thing we cannot control. It is our health. I always believe being poor is alrite if one is not sick. Being rich and sick is worse than being poor. The worst part is being poor and sick. 

In life, when sick, one has to be strong for herself as no one can help her or feel the pain she is in.

Scenery in Bali

Bali. Bali is a traditional place. No high buildings. Just the sea, padi fields and its mountains.

I like Tanah Lot. As I was standing at the beach site at Tanah Lot, watching the strong waves at the sea, I felt a moment of peace and bliss. The sea is so mysterious at times that one can fall in love with it.

The food is nice especially, the fried duck and babi guling. I just love their fried duck and babi guling. The fried duck was a bit like the duck confit of France. Hmmmm, just delicious. Maybe I should learn how to cook it.

Our driver for the trip, Putu explained a lot of their traditions and colorful culture. Bali, the land of thousand gods. There are more than one thousand temples in Bali. That is a lot for an island like Bali.

I will visit Bali again one day. Yes, for their food.

the little fish and chopping board

This is the story of a little fish and the chopping board.

One day a little fish was caught and put on the chopping board. While the cook was thinking of how to cook the fish, the fearless fish look around for an escape route and saw a basin of water on the ground with a few fishes swimming. Just when she was looking for an opportunity to escape, she noticed the chopping board she was on. It was a colourful, strong and solid chopping board.

Just then, someone called the cook, the little fish took the opportunity to jump into the basin while she is swimming in the basin, she looked back at the chopping board. Will she be caught again?

There is a chinese saying that when the meat is on the chopping board, anything can be done to that person as there is no more escape for that person. In life, there is always an option and the way we want to live it even to the last minute of our life.

Bali Trip

Happy. Have a great time in Bali. Although a bit brown now (will back to fair soon), the feeling is wonderful.

In Bali, I bought a lot of souvenir. At Ubud market, I bought some bracelet at a high price. My brother said to me, "Sis, you are too soft hearted. To listen to the seller's sob story and then buy. You should have walked away if the price is not right." He then added (or reminded) that in life, money cheated can be earned again but not your love etc. Sigh, yeah, I am a big softie.

My brother is smart. He let his brain rules and not the heart. Me, sometimes I let my heart rules and not  my brain which is a big no no (disadvantage to me). Will try not to be soft hearted.

Yes, now I am looking forward to my next trip in October. Sydney, I am coming in October.

Dinner

Happy. It was a wonderful dinner last night with my good friend. My friend of more than 15 years. A very nice lady. We talked and talked. Due to her and my workload, we seldom meet so it was a great and fun time for both of us.

I gave her a bag organiser and in return, she gave me a necklace. I just love necklace and bracelet too. We had dinner at a Japanese Restaurant and there were a lot of people waiting. As we were leaving the restaurant, we noticed the queue had become longer.

Hope to see her more often. Good buddy, sweet dreams!

Holidays

Happy. Will be going on holidays on Sunday. My heart is already in Bali. I have completed my work in the office. Can't believe I can finish the work on time.

This morning, I spoke to my brother. Although he was annoyed with me, he talked to me and after sometime, it is back to normal for both of us.

When two persons quarrel, both parties should not let it drag and drag on. One party should come forward and apologise first. After that, everything should be back to normal.

Today, I was very busy in the morning with my work and going to the CCM. Now, I am happy that at last I can go on holidays with all my work completed.

So now I am on my way to Bali, yeah soon, soon.

Not easy

Being a human is not easy. I honestly dont know how a politician survive with all the criticism around him.  People accusing him for this and that. I admire them as I am one of those who prefer to be left at peace.

Sometimes, I wonder why I did not retaliate at actions hurled at me. Now I know why. I just want to live my life peacefully. As one chinese saying, "when will revenge ends if each party keeps the revenge alive."

Does this mean that one can only rest in peace when one is six feet underground?

Being a human is tough. Rather than shouting at the top of my voice when I am angry, I might as well shut up and be silent and maybe go to sleep earlier as tomorrow will come and brings a bright new day for me.

Quarrel

Unhappy. Just now quarrel with my bro. So sad and cried. Now he is sitting in the living room watching tv while I am here blogging.

Why do one quarrel with their loved one? Is it becoz they no longer care for that person anymore? Everything that person do is also not rite.

Generally, I felt that if a person loved a person, he will tolerate that person for whoever she is. I am so sad now that I cant laugh at the joke by the DJ on the radio.

Reading my email

Curious. Today I found that someone has been assessing my email account. My brother and friends ask me to change the password. Changing the passwords will not solve the matter as that person can find the new password again after I change it. Furthermore, I have nothing to hide and if that person spent so much time to find my password, I think reading my email means a lot to him.

I am just curious who is that person.

Travelling

Travelling. I love travelling. To visit other countries and seeing how people live in that country. The culture, food and places but most of all, the people.


I have been to a few places in Europe, Australia, and Asia. I love Europe. Been to UK, Germany, Austria, Italy, Switzerland, Netherlands, Belgium and France. I like the cool weather in Europe. Though I travel often, at least once a year, I have never experienced or seen snow before. That will be a great experience. However, I am afraid of the freezing coldness. So this is one of the reason, I never travel to any country during winter time.


In Asia, I have been to Hong Kong, Macau, Japan, Korea, Thailand, Singapore, China and Indonesia. Will be flying to Bali this coming Sunday. I always love the food in Asia. 


Hoping to visit USA and New Zealand soon.


Good to write it down now so that I will remember where I have been to when I am old and forgetful. That's when I will travel around Malaysia. Yes, cuti cuti Malaysia or Holidays in Malaysia.


Bali, Here I come. 

Sleepless night

Bright. Today is a bright and sunny day. Can feel the sunlight on my face as I was walking to my office.

It will be another busy busy day for me. There are tons of work waiting for me to complete before I go on holidays. I will be going to Bali for a few days. I have been there before but this time I am going with my bro and sis-in-law so it will be fun provided both of them dont nag me.

Last night was a sleepless night for me as I was awaken by the radio which I forgot to switch off while sleeping. I have cultivated a habit of sleeping while listening to music. Yeah, in the middle of the night, cannot sleep. Did I count sheeps to sleep? No, I surf the net for one hour and then went back to sleep again.

So this morning, I expected myself to be tired and cannot do my morning exercise. Surprisingly, I am not tired and I did my exercise as usual which I started since Monday after many days of nagging by my bro.

The exercise has helped to refresh my mind and my mind is more alert than usual since I started exercising. Nevertheless, my weight did not decrease much but a bit only. Not to give up, I will continue to exercise until I reach my ideal weight.

Hurt

Is hurting someone, a fun thing to do? The answer is no if the person you hurt is someone you has feelings for. Many years ago, there was this man who liked me and he always looked at me in meetings. So one day, he happened to look and I turn my head away. My action hurts him as he went to the gents afterthat. I guess to compose himself/ Why I do this? Yes, I want to hurt him as he has hurt my feelings too.

Seeing him hurt makes me realise that I was a terrible person to do such despicable action. At that moment, all I want to do is go to him and said "sorry". I did not said sorry or do anything about it. Things went back to normal between me and him. Is it normal? I don't think so.

Whenever I think about this incident, I told myself that in future, if given the same thing to happen again, I will not retaliate or hurt another person the way he has hurt me. Why? Because, I will feel more painful than the hurt he feel if he is someone I care about.

Promises

Recently, I heard a touching story. There was this guy who admires and like a lady. So he asked her, "Can U be my girlfriend?" The girl replied, "When u find your first million, I will be your girlfriend."
11 years later, the guy earned his millions and approached the lady again. The lady was surprised and remembered her promise. Alas, at that time she already had another boyfriend. In this story, I do admire the guy and if I am the lady, I will consider him.

This brings back my memory to 11 years ago where I too made a similiar remark. At that time, there was a man who shown his interest in me. But I was not ready for any relationship. So I said, "if after 10 years, I am still single, I am willing to be your special friend."

Move forward to present, I ask myself if this man will appear now and ask, "Are u willing to be my special friend now?" Firstly, I will be touched by his persistence. Secondly, I do miss him now and then. Lastly, my answer to him? That is for him to hear only.

Anyway, I am back to my cheerful self after a few days of being unhappy. I really enjoy writing on my blog. It helps to bring back my cheerful self back.

Thanks, Mr. DJ for reminding to write on my blog again. 

Life is fragile

Read that one former actress who was same age with me died recently. Reading and hearing this news make me realised that I must live my life happily everyday, do the things I like and most of all, love myself more.

Should I do things that is beyond my principles to achieve happiness? Should I love without restraint? Yes, we should live the life we want to and do things we want to without harming anyone else.

Afterall, life is fragile. I may not know what tomorrow brings for me but at least I know that I have lived my life the way I want it to be. Yes, I want to be able to say like the title of a famous song, "I did it my way".

Life continues

Cloudy. Happy or sad, we still live our life but why do I still feel unhappy. I used to think that my motto is to be happy all the times as everyday is a present.

Unhappy days will pass. Bright shiny day will come soon. Must be positive in thinking. Everything will be alrite or back to happy days soon.

Why I am still feeling the blues today?

Love

Love. What is this little thing called love? It is not little if you are in love. For someone like me, I have been in love and out of love. When in love, everything seems great and nice, sweet and lovey dovey. How about when out of love, hatred will come knocking the door. Next come, sadness and followed by emptiness.

When I out of love, I no longer understand why I love that person in the first place. I started seeing that person in a different light and see his bad points for what it is. I no longer see the goodness in him and why I fall in love with him in the first place. If it is possible, I want to delete that part from my memory. Is this feeling occurs out of the betrayal or the sadness that I felt? This is not as hard to deal with as the emptiness that comes along. The empty feeling in the heart as it no longer belongs to anyone.

I have loved and lost in love but if love comes along now, will I long for the experience of love again, yes if I meet the right person.

I believe if I am in love with someone, no matter, if he comes to my life again in 5 years or 10 years time, the love is still there as it has never left in the first place.

Friends

Do friends keep their words or promises? I have one friend who is always late in picking me up whenever we go out. Sometimes is one hour late. Huh, that late, she must have started driving from her house at the promised time to meet and not earlier. Sad to say our friendship did not last. Can understand why.

Being punctual is a good attribute. Being late, sigh can u imagine sitting and waiting for someone for an hour and then she turns up. Feel like scolding them on the spot. Or forget it and shorten the friendship as she din bother to turn up on time.

Should a person be judged by her punctuality? As for me, waiting for an hour is the limit but has been made by friends to wait for more than an hour. Sigh.

Blogging

Writing again on my blog definitely make me happy and driving away the monday blues

Why I started writing on my blog after an absence of 7 years? It is because last nite I listened to a DJ radio who said that to relieve the frustration, we must write it out, either in a diary or blog. Ha ha ha, this is another way to voice our feelings.

Yeah, be positive in life and life will definitely change for better.

Nagging

I have been nagged for the past whole week and this is making me unhappy. Why a person nags another person? Does this mean he cares or loves the other person.

I look at it positively. That person must care for me that he takes his time to nag me.

Caring and loving someone is a peculiar thing.

Monday Blues

Feeling blue today. Must be the Monday blue. The sun is still shining brightly while my heart is painful.

Well, we should always look forward in our life, to a better and brighter tomorrow with the hope that happiness will come tomorrow.

Maybe is going to work which is making me blue or my bruised heart that is causing the misery I am feeling right now.

To put myself on the right track to better mood, I will try to think of tomorrow, a better day and definitely, a shining day.