Ups and Downs in Life

Calm. After a few days of being unhappy and sad, I feel calm now. Calm because I have taken a few days leave away from office works. The feelings are great. This shows how much I dislike my office/company. 

Happy. I have made some decision on a few matters affecting my careers and life. I am happy that at last I resolved some issues and I no longer feel tense or unhappy.

Downs. I no longer feel sickening when I think of my heavy work load. I may not be able to complete my work and now I understand that there is a limit to do what I am able to do. If the work is not complete, it is definitely not my fault as I have already given my best to do it. I no longer feel the need to act like "Superwoman" in my career/work as I will just take it easy as the work comes. On the other hand, I am not "Wonderwoman" who can do wonders for the operation of my department.
Ups. Whatever that comes down will go up one day. While we are down, we should get ready to be up one day so there is no need to feel that bad or sad. 

Guess, in life there is always ups and downs. Whenever we are down, we look around us and find that there are other people who are in worse situation than us. Guess, I am not in that bad situation or I am better off than most people.

Letting go of the past

Sad. I have to let go of my past. It is full of good, sad and bad memories and I am letting go everything as there is no need to think of memories anymore.

I was driving the other day after tea time with my friend, when I saw the logo of my ex-company, it brought back sad and painful memories of the time when I was working there. As I was driving back home, tears drop from eyes. Yes, I was sad before and I still feel sad whenever I think of it.

It is time to let go of the past and move on. There is no need to remember anything anymore. I have no regret of the time in the past as it has made me into what I am today. Tougher and stronger.

It is time to move on. Yeah, move on a to a better present and a brighter future.

Still a sad day

Sad. It is still a sad day for me today. I feel so sad and unhappy.

My superior agreed to let me have an additional staff after all the protest I made but it is too late as I already made up my mind to leave the Company. I dont think after all the difficulties I go through in asking for staff and after I made up my mind to leave the Company, I have no intention of staying anymore. My superior should have agreed to my request for a staff in the first place and not put me through the hassle.In the end, I got real fed up and decided to leave the Company. Then, only he said, "Yes" to my request. It is all too late as I have enough of everything that goes along with it.

Now I realise that I do have a weak point that is once I made up my mind to do something, most likely I will not change my mind. Guess, I am just a stubborn woman.

I have given plenty of chances to my superior and Company when I asked for addtional staff. I asked not once but many times until I lost count. Frustrated and dejected is how to describe my feelings when they disapprove of it. After that, I show my annoyance and disappointment. On seeing that, they relent and agreed to my request for additional staff. But alas, too late. I have made up my mind to leave the Company.

I found that in love, it is the same. After giving so many chances to a person and if that person does not bother to do anything, I may as well forget the whole thing.

Guess, life being like a movie, there is going to be a different ending for each and every role I play throughout my life. Well, is time to move on.

A sad day

Sad. Today is a sad day.I dont know why but I am feeling really unhappy. I have started the year 2013 with sickness and sadness. The sadness just arrive. I just no longer feel happy. As I think of the past and the present, I feel that life is nothing but a movie. A movie whereby a person plays out a role. Is it that important then to be so miserable as I am feeling now?

Today is going to be a miserable day for me. As I sat in my office room, seeing the piles of endless work, I feel a tinge of sadness that this is not going to end unless I leave the Company. The Company is not giving me additional staff. That is the sad truth.

Maybe part of me is sad that I have worked in this Company for 4 years and I have to leave bcoz I no longer can take the work load. This is not how I want my life to be.

Last Sunday, I had lunch with one of my long long friend who I have not seen in ages. After the lunch, I suddenly feel that life has been good to me but not that good. What have I achieved in my life. A career? Yeah, I am working and living a dog life in this Company. My personal life?

Am I happy? Sad to say I am feeling really miserable right now.

My regret in life

My regret in life is that I have never found someone who loves me very much and whole heartedly. I have never enjoyed the feeling of being truly loved by someone. The past boyfriends I have were never really in love of me. Anyway, no regrets breaking up with those ex of mine as I also never really love them anyway.

Sometimes I ask myself, have I really love anyone before. Sad to say this, no man has ever make me falls head over heel in love with him. This make me realise that either I am in love with myself or no man is ever worth my loving him.

There was once I thought I was in love but I was over him in weeks after the break up. Until today, I can't really understand why I like him in the first place. Man like him is not worth the time and I wasted my time on someone as .... as him. Sometimes I wonder if the clock is turned back, I will definitely 100% not like him. I found him to be childish and immature.

Yeah, recently I found myself praying hard that I will meet someone who loves me very much. Guess, deep inside I want to find true love before I meet my creator.

Dinner with an old friend

Just have dinner with an old friend. We will talking and I realised how she and I have grew older. The year, 2013 has come and I will be ..... in a few years time.

As I looked back in life, I always felt my career should have gone further than it is now. Not that I am not happy with what I am having. There was this hindrance to my career in my thirties and I was out of work for a year. Yes, I paid my dues and I owe nobody nothing anymore.

My old friend was doing well too but she worked very late practically everyday of her life. How to have a social life with this kind of long working hours. Come to think of it, I also come home at 9 pm practically every night from work. Yeah, dead tired.

When will I find a better job and perhaps have an improved lifestyle. More time for myself and not working most of the time. Just now, I heard a deejay said, we must love ourself more than anything else.

Yeah, life is short and it is about time I move away from this company who expects a lot of sacrifice in terms of time etc but gives very little in return.

My old friend, you too must love yourself more and move away from that company you are working in as it is not good if you don't have a social life. Take care, my friend and may you find someone who loves you a lot.

My First Crush on a young man

Sweet. My first crush on a young man happened when I was a teenager. Both of us were studying at the same tuition centre. He is a very smart and intelligent young man. We argued with each other, until once, he push his table away from him in an angry manner. At that time, I found this to be amusing. I was there at the tuition centre for several months and left the tuition centre without saying goodbye to him.

More than 20 years later, I found out that one of my friend knew him. He is doing very well and graduated with a PHD from one of the top university in the world.

Life is always such that when one least predicted some events to happen and it does happen. Will I say Hi to him if I happen to bump into him one day? Yes, I will.

My first crush, I am glad that you are doing well and hope that you will find success in life.

New Year Eve

Sick, sick & sick. At home resting, but the apartment above my home is renovating. So cannot rest quietly.

Most likely, will spend the new year eve at home sleeping and resting with noise above my home. Surprisingly, there is still renovation at the place where I am staying as it is an old apartment block.

The renovation at my new house is worrying me and caused me sleepless nights. It has not really started as most likely, the renovation will start after chinese new year.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be better as I wish to go out and not stay at home. Anyway, stay at home is alrite as I need to clean my cabinets and throw away some files. Come to think of it, not some but a lot of files.

Sickness, please go away and let me celebrate new year happily.

Bye bye 2012 and welcome 2013

2012.

Overall

What has I achieved in 2012? I have been working like a dog in 2012. In 2012, I was also rewarded for my hard work. The year 2012 brings me a lot of hard work and some good news too.

Work.

Good. All my hard work was rewarded although still below my expectation.But what can one expect from a company which is so calculative.

Love

Average. Could have done better if not for the heavy workload.

Family

Great. Happy as it is. Nothing to complain


2013.

Overall

My hope for 2013 is lesser work. No more working like a dog. If I am still with the same company, this will remain the same, all year round, hard works. Maybe is time I leave this company and join a new company.

Work

Hope my salary will reach my expectation. Need more money to meet my monthly expenses. It is time to move on to a better pay job.

Love.

Hope to do better in this area.

Family

Hope my brother can sleep well. As for me, to be healthy always.

Generally, life has been good to me despite the ups and downs. Nothing to complain. Could have done better.

Feng Shui

Feng Shui. Either you believe in it or don't believe in it. Is it a matter of the flow of chi? Recently, I have an encounter with a Feng Shui master. Took the opportunity to ask him a bit on my BaZi. BaZi is another form of calculation on the life.

Work. Apparently, my life is dedicated to work. Ha Ha Ha, no more dreams of being a grand lady of the house and no need to work. 

According to the Feng Shui master, our life is about one third is how we live our life, one third is feng shui and one third is our BaZi. He qualified himself by saying action speaks louder than the rest and action can overcome the feng shui and baZi.

I half heartedly believe him and as they are no major issues affecting my house, I will try my best to follow his recommendations.

So, my new house, I will be shifting there soon. Sigh, the budget is so tight that I feel the pinch even before going there.

Money, can you fall from the sky so that I can collect some to settle my "financial woes"?

Happy New Year!!!

If I could turn back the clock, I will ............

The new year is coming. As I look back to my past, I feel I have learn a lot from my mistakes and be stronger. Without those mistakes I made, I will never be what I am today, a better person.

If I could turn back the clock, I will go back to the past to change/do the following:

teens - study harder and stop annoying my mum with my "couldn't care less" attitude.

20s - study harder and stop dreaming too much. Day dreaming was my hobby at that time.

30s - Less arrogant and more considerate for other people's feeling. Also to stop antagonising those who loves me.

In my life, I always feel I could be a better person but if I have to live my life all over again, I will do it the same way. Perhaps, should stop antagonising those who loves me.

What will I do if I could turn back the clock, I will ........:

Love - Love bravely and without fear. Think and analyse too much. Care too much of the consequences.

Career - Could do better but happy with the way I am presently.

Family - Could have love my parents more and take care of them better while they were alive.

For my brother, I thank him very much for standing by me through thick and thin, health and sickness. Without him, I will not be what I am today. Thanks, bro. I will not make it in life without you.

Poor but happy

Poor but happy. That is what my childhood is about. When I was just a little kid, there is no TV in my house and we have to go to the neighbour's house to watch TV. Although there is no TV in my house, I was happy as a kid. My mother loves me very much and  I am pampered by her. This make up for the lack of material goods in my childhood.

My dad used to buy "Hokkein mee" whenever his pay day came. Although I do not have many toys to play with and clothes to wear, I was very happy. In the government flat where I lived, there were many good and tasty food to eat like my favourite, "Hokkein mee".

Compared to now, when I can buy most of the things that I want or fancy, I feel that I was happier as a kid with my parents around. Sad to say, my parents were not around to enjoy life with me when I was earning a decent income.

How I wish I can still have my parents around so that I can pamper them too. Well, school days were still the best compared to working life. Having said that, I do like my work and the nitty gritty that comes with it. However, sometimes I do feel I will have a better career life if not for certain things that happened in my life.

A person need not be rich to be happy. She willl feel happy when she is living her life to her satisfaction.

Driving

Driving in Kuala Lumpur needs a lot of patience as sometimes the traffic is heavy or an encounter with a maniac driver.

I have been driving on the road for two months. It has not been easy as I am new on the road. However, one thing for sure, when comes to driving, a lot of Malaysians, in particular those in Kuala Lumpur are not tolerant of new drivers, like me.

Although I have sticked a "P" sign on my car but some drivers still bully me on the road. So, are we, malaysians, a bunch of road bullies? Yeah I drive slowly on the slow lane and if the driver of another car think he can drive faster, please drive on the fast lane and dont follow me from behind. That driver may find me annoying and I also find him to be very very annoying. Maybe, a bit not rite in the brain and mind. Huh, if that driver thinks he can drive fast on the road, wait for the speed trap to capture his car photo. That will serve him right.

On a brighter side, life is moving very fast and new year will be here soon in less than two months. Another bright new year ahead.

A lot decisions are pending as I cannot make up my mind. Yes, I am undecisive in certain things in life. Maybe, as I grow older, I am wary of making mistakes. So I take a long time to decide on certain things. Anyway, I have to make a decision on a major issue by end of this month. Hope I will make the right decision.

My Hope

Hope. I hope that everthing will be smooth sailing for me for the rest of the months in 2012. I also hope that all my investments will bear fruits and brings me some extra pocket monies to spend as I really need monies nowadays.

Happy. I want to be happy all the times. I try to be positive and lead a happy life. Life is not without its ups and downs. How we lead our life depends on how we handle matters affecting our life. If we let certain matter affects us, this will make us unhappy. Whether happy or unhappy, we still need to live our life so why don't we face our life positively and be happy all the times. Even if we are sad, we be sad for a while and don't let it be long and therefore affect our emotions.

Healthy. Without good health, we will not be happy even we have all riches in the world. So it is important we eat well to maintain a good health. With good health, we will be able to do a lot of things in life.

Have fun. Lastly, we must have fun at times to make ourself happy. Not to worry about any matters but just to have some fun.

Having said the above, I feel that we must be positive and happy so that our friends and relatives will feel the same when they are with us.

Road Bullies

Annoyed. In Kuala Lumpur, there are a lot of road bullies. They come in two wheels drivers and blue taxi drivers. These blue taxi drivers which the foreigners/tourists from other countries normally take, are really road bullies. Been driving for the past two weeks and I observed that they drove like maniac. No wonder, the locals dont take this kind of taxi which is expensive too. The two wheels drivers are worst. They comes from all directions and squeeze into the empty space just to get ahead to the traffic light although there is a traffic jam and the cars are not moving at all!

Puzzled. The way these drivers drove their car are beyond my understanding. Where are they rushing to? Don't they have proper time management? Don't they know they are the menace of the road? Shame on them.

Disappointed. I have put a "P" sign at the front and back of my car to indicate that I am new to the road. Worse than before as the other car drivers seem to have "fun" to bully me and my car. I don't expect special treatment but the least is they don't bully me and understand that I don't drive that fast. Anyway, how to drive fast in the traffic jam?

The way some Malaysian drive during traffic jam are like maniac and God, please bless them before they cause an accident to happen. These are the drivers who not only endanger their life but also the life of other drivers. There are a lack of gentlemen on the road of Kuala Lumpur.

New Car

Happy. At last my new car is coming tomorrow. It is not silver but a black little Viva car. So my car is black. Yeah, sleek and black. A handsome little car.

Fear. The thought of driving again leaves fear in my mind as it has bee a long time since I last drove. Which is, more than 10 years ago.

Happy and Fear, are in me now. On one hand, happy and on the other hand, fear. So lets wait tomorrow, when I will be driving my little car for the first time. Guess, will be nervous and heart beating fast like meeting my first love.

Hope, everything will be smooth tomorrow and I will drive my little car to reach home safely. Very anxious and excited to drive my car. Sigh, such a contradicting feeling fighting in me.

I dare to drive, yes and will be ready to face the traffic jam. So little Viva, let's drive home.

My little Viva

Happy. My new small Car, Viva will be here before end of the month. Excited and waiting patiently for its arrival.

Told my brother about the Car and yes, we quarrel. He said that I am wasting money and as usual, he is not understanding or supportive about it. Whatever he said dont bother me as I already made up my mind to drive again. Although, my bro is always at my side supporting me during my long illness, he is getting to be ......... Nowadays, whatever I buy, he also make noise. If he is reading this, please take note I am using MY money and not your money, please dont tell me what I should do and not to do.

Moving ahead, the little Viva is a silver coloured car. So end of this month, I will be the proud owner of a Viva car. Hopefully, I have not forget how to drive a car. Yes, It has been ten years since I drove a car. So hoping everything will be smooth sailing for me.

At last, I dont have to take the train to work. Yes, I will miss the taking the train.

Love and Hate

Love and Hate is just a thin line between one another. One can easily cross over to hate if the love turns sour. Or can hate cross over and changed to love. Yes, it can. Sometimes, the person we hate is the person we ends up loving the most.

Love. Love can easily turns to hate when the man or lady one loves betray his or her love. That is when it can turns to hate and sometimes deep hatred. Has I ever hate a person so much that I feel like whacking him. Yes, I did once before. That man is totally hopeless. Do not know what I see in him at all in the first place. He better pray hard that he did not ever see me again as I may just whack him in the public. LOL.

Hate. Can hate turns to love? I personally experience disliking a man and then turning to hate. In the end, I end up liking him. Love him, I am not sure on this now. At that moment,  maybe I did love him. With his (silent) pursuing me strongly, I did end up liking him. Guess, I am a big softie at heart.

However, we are not together now as I guess whatever feelings we have for one another is not strong enough to withstand all the difficulties that come along. We end up apart from each other now.

Weekends

Best. Weekends are always the best way to laze around the house. Did some cleaning and went for facial on Saturday. Sunday is the time to do some housework and relax, perhaps eat a bit more.

Saturday. Woke up early and did some cleaning and then go for facial. The facial is quite nice and refreshing. It actually lift the sagging part of the face and it is expensive. But the results is amazing.
After that, I went for dinner with my friend/buddy at TGIF. The buffalo wings were yummy and I drank some coffee. My buddy then said, "Maybe next week we go for Japanese and eat some udon mee." There was one Japanese Restaurant which sells tasty udon mee.

Sunday. Did some housework and calculate my budget for the month. Sigh. Not enough for the month so have to withdraw from my savings. After that, eat my favourite fried mee, yes indulge in some good fattening food.

Budgetting.  I really have to do some budgetting and dont spend so much money. Every month also broke. Not a good sign if expenditure is more than income. Still thinking of getting a car too. More expenses!!! With the inflation rate so high and the increment so low, I felt that my company is taking advantage of me

Love, Success & Money

Wonderful. If I can have love, success and money at one time, that will be great. It is difficult to have all these three things at one time as generally, they dont come at the same time. Although, sometimes, they do come at the same time but it is rare.

Love, it is important to have someone to love me or I love him. Success, it is vital to have success in life whether career or other small little things I do. Money, yes,  how can I survive in this world without money. Although, health is the most important things in life to me but money also played an important role too. But if I will to select one, I will definitely select health.

This afternoon, as I was walking with my friends after lunch, my friend was saying, "If you see things you like, you should buy. Afterall, money earned is to be spent." Yes, I do that and I am happy. So please, my brother, if you are reading this, don't tell me to curb my spending when I can still spend.

Now, I need all the three things, love, success and money together. Can I have them, please? How nice, if they come in one package at the same time.